You know when you get to that certain age when it is no longer about conquests, and are finally ready to settle down. Now You want to find out how to find a true love to spend and share the rest of your life with because you're sick of all the games.
You're searching for that one person who doesn't play games that you can trust and who trusts you in return. Someone who shares similar views about life, spiritual beliefs, common interests, goals, and dreams such as yourself.
We all need to remember none of us are perfect and we all have our faults and with this, in mind, all of us have to determine what is the most important elements to us in a relationship. In other words, what can we live with and what can we live without?
How To Find A True Love In Search Of Your Soul Mate
If you have been out in the dating world and have had several partners over the years, and none of them have worked out. You should by now then have a pretty good understanding of what you don't want in a relationship.
So now is the time to reflect upon yourself and figure out what it is you do want in a relationship because only then will you know what it is you are looking for in a life partner.
Here is what I want you to do. Sit down somewhere by yourself without any distractions with pen and paper in hand and write down two lists. The first list should be titled. What I don't want in a relationship and the second one should be titled What I want in a relationship or life partner.
Now reflect upon all of your past relationship experiences that didn't work and make out your first list.
What I Don't Want In A Relationship! (Red Flags)
- I don't want someone who doesn't trust me.
- I don't want someone who lies.
- I don't want someone who cheats.
- I don't want someone who has been married 4 or 5 times.
- I don't want someone with children.
- I don't want someone who doesn't have children.
- I don't want someone who smokes.
- I don't want someone who drinks.
- I don't want someone who is controlling.
- I don't want someone who is possessive.
- I don't want someone who is overly jealous.
Now think about what it is you do want and make out your list of things you are looking for in a life partner.
What I Do Want In A Relationship!
- I want someone whom I can discuss a problem with instead of fighting about it.
- I want someone who is honest.
- I want someone who is caring.
- I want someone who doesn't cheat.
- I want someone who trusts me and that I trust.
- I want someone who has similar goals and dreams.
- I want someone who shares similar spiritual beliefs.
- I want someone who isn't controlling.
- I want someone who isn't possessive or overly jealous.
- I want someone who wants children.
- I want someone who doesn't want children.
- I want someone who is in good health.
- I want someone who is good with finances.
Now that you have your lists complete about what you do and don't want and you have figured out what is most important to you in a relationship. You are probably asking what's next? You need to prioritize your list from the most to least important.
Then figure out which ones you are willing to compromise on out of the one's you deem as less important. I hate to think of dating in terms of a job interview but in a sense that is kind of what it is regarding finding your true love.
I want you to take both of your lists and form a series of questions out of them in regards to what is most important to you and commit them to your memory. Then while out on a date you will ask your questions.
I am not talking about grilling your date either but ask your questions during a normal conversation and make a mental note about the red flags.
Red Flag Relationship Warning Signs
I would assume everyone is familiar with the term red flags, but if you are reading this post and are in a younger generation or foreign country and have never heard of this term. It means the answers to the questions you are asking your date doesn't match up with what you deem as important to you in finding your true love.
Best Questions To Ask On The First Date
- Question: Have you ever been married?
- Answer: I've been married four times. (red flag)
This example shows a person who is not sure of what they are looking for in a relationship.
- Question: Do you have any children?
- Answer: I have three kids.
- Question: Are they all by the same father/mother?
- Answer: No they all have different fathers/mothers. (red flag)
This example shows a person also whom either doesn't know what they won't, or they can not distinguish the difference between lust and love. It also shows they aren't very responsible either.
- Question: What kind of work do you do and how long have you been doing this kind of work?
- Answer: I just started working at this new job doing such and such, but I have only been there for a month now. But before this job I worked this other job for about three months but I had to quit because of such and such reason. Before that, I worked at the such, and such factory for about six months. (red flag)
This example shows a person who is not very financially stable and always seems to have an excuse as to why they either got fired or had to quit their job.
So, if you want to find a partner or mate who is financially stable, it shouldn't be with someone who has had three or four different jobs in a years time. It should be with someone who has had the same job for at least three to ten years.
Even this does not always mean they are financially stable depending on their spending habits. They may not be great at managing their money, but at least they have a much better work record and can hold down a job.
If you made mental notes about the red flags during your date and if there were several that went against what you deem as important in a relationship you need to forget about this person as a potential life partner and move on to the next one. There is no point in wasting your time or theirs.
Just thank this person for the date and let them know you had a good time. But also let them know that you see them more as a potential friend and someone to hang out with sometimes. Because who knows they may be thinking the same thing about you.
What Is The Difference In Lust And Love
The major difference between lust and love is that with love we do not ignore the red flags and we find someone who fits with our list of things we deem as important in a relationship or life partner. Where as with lust it is more of a physical attraction and we tend to ignore all of the red flags we are receiving.
Now we have all dated these kinds of people, and it never seems to work out. Maybe we are physically attracted to them, and all of us appear to think that we can help this person to change into that special someone we have been searching for our whole life.
So we spend anywhere between one to three years with this person and nothing changes; until we have finally had enough and end the relationship. Next thing you know we are back into the dating game all over again. Except for this time we are now two or three years older.
If we continue with this same manner of dating over and over again, we start to get older and in many cases less attractive. So then we began to start thinking about just settling for whatever to keep from being alone for the rest of our lives.
But if it ever gets to this point you might as well live alone because you will never be truly happy with someone if you abandon the things that are important to you in a relationship. You will end up just as miserable if not more so.
Recap – How To Find My True Love
- If you want to know how to find a true love you need to implement this plan which I put before you. Figure out what is important to you by figuring out what you want and don't want in a relationship and make out a list of these things.
You need to prioritize your list from most important to least. Then figure out which things on the list you are willing to compromise on out of the ones which are deemed as least important.
You need to form a series of questions from this list and commit them to memory to ask on a date.
Make mental notes of the red flags which pop-up from the answers to your questions. If there are too many red flags, you need to move on instead of trying to change someone because you feel a physical attraction towards them.
Do not forgo what is most important to you in a relationship just to keep from being alone.
Or if you know of any people in your social media networks who could use this information you are welcome to share this post with them. We have all been in these kinds of relationships before and if not we know plenty of friends and family who have.
Sincerely Dale (Life Coach)