Alone

Have you ever felt like you were all Alone? That nobody else in the World understands or even cares about you? Are you the kind of person who hates being by themselves and all Alone? Do you think you have to have someone in your life to be happy? If so; I've got some news for you; we all hate being alone to some degree or another whether you're a man or woman.
 
"Until you get comfortable with being alone, you'll never know if you're choosing someone out of love or loneliness."  By Mandy Hale
 
But; here is another piece of news for you. There are worse things in life than being Alone. How so, might you ask? The answer is; if you are in a Toxic Relationship. If you're, being Verbally, Mentally, or Physically Abused; or any of the words in the list below then this is a Toxic Relationship!   
 
  • Dehumanized                                                          
  • Controlled There-Are-Worse-Things-Than-Being-Alone
  • Manipulated
  • Ridiculed
  • Forced
  • Trapped
  • Ignored
  • Neglected
  • Intimidated
  • Terrified
  • Powerless 
  • Fearful
 
"It is far better to be alone than to be in bad company."  By George Washington
 
Here are a few books I would recommend reading.
 
                                    

 

 Battered Women

 
There is no amount of this kind of treatment or suffering better than being Alone. I have often wondered why women who are being beaten and abused stay with this type of man. I know everyone puts up a false front at the beginning of any new relationship. I also know that men of this caliber who likes to beat on women does not start out as being abusive at the commencement of the relationship.
 
I think if I had been born a woman instead of a man, and I ended up in this type of relationship; where a man was beating me. I would like to think he wouldn't do it but one time because sooner, or later the son of a bit_h would go to sleep, and I would take a baseball bat to his as_. But this is one of those cases where you don't know unless you are standing in the other person's shoes or this particular situation.
 
 “… you don't have to wait for someone to treat you bad repeatedly. All it takes is once, and if they get away with it that once, if they know they can treat you like that, then it sets the pattern for the future.” By Jane Green 
 
Is this kind of treatment better than being Alone? Now I am the kind of guy who is not going to stand idly by and watch another man beat a woman. And ladies most men want either but we do not understand, and we would like to. 
 
So for all of you women who have been or is now in this type of relationship help us men, to understand. Because I have seen women in the hospital who have been beaten so severely and when they get out, go right back to this person.  
                He-Didn't-Mean-It
 
I ask myself; why would anyone ever go back to someone who is mistreating them so badly? Does this person not feel worthy of a good relationship? Is it low self-esteem? Does this person feel like they need to be punished, for some reason? Did this person have an abusive home life growing up? Or is it just Insecurities? So I am asking you ladies. What is the answer?  Please leave comments!
 
I have heard some women say, but I love him! And they make excuses for them. (Examples) He only does it when he's drunk, stressed out over work, having a bad day, etc. But this definitely, is not my definition of what Love is supposed to be.  
 
I ask any ladies who is reading this post to please leave a comment. I am not trying to Embarrass, Humiliate nor disrespect you in any way. I just want to understand because I do care, and trust me; so does all the rest of men in the world. 
Most-Of-Us-Do-Care  
 

Emotional Abuse in Marriage

 
Gentlemen, I didn't forget about us. For the most part, women are the physically weaker sex, no offense to any women reading this post. This being said. I see a lot of men in relationships where they get Mentally and Verbally Abused, and this can be just as devastating almost as a physical beating.
 
Like I said earlier. I know everyone puts up a false front at the beginning of any new relationship. The Mental and Verbal abuse don't start at the commencement of the relationship. I see men at work all the time who cannot even do their jobs, without either their wife or girlfriend calling and badgering them about something every ten minutes.
 
These guys are so stressed out by the time they get off work they don't even want to go home. I know men are also guilty of this too. We all need our personal space! Besides, if we are constantly on the phone with each other what is there to talk about when you get home?
 
When you get home from work is the time for family and discussing things that are important. Not during working hours. Going to work is our personal space away from our significant others, and it helps take our minds off of our family lives and problems for a little while.
 
So ladies and gentlemen if you are the kind of person who keeps calling or texting your man/woman every 10 or 15 minutes to check up on him/her; then stop. It is a sweet gesture every once in a while to let your significant other, know you miss them. But after a while, it starts becoming annoying.  Why-Am-I-So-Stressed-Out?
 
Especially if the conversation isn't necessary or something which couldn't wait till we get home from work. The only time you should call or text during working hours is if it's something important which cannot wait till you get home. 
 
Just like with women, I have also wondered why men put up with Verbal and Mental Abuse. Here is a list of words used in verbal and mental abuse.
 
  • Criticized
  • Insulted
  • Guilt-Tripped
  • Lectured to
  • Put Down
  • Ridiculed
  • Controlled
  • Manipulated
  • Pressured
  • Neglected
  • Worthless 

 

Is this kind of treatment worse than being Alone?  The same questions apply to us men as I asked earlier in this post. Men this is your chance to leave a comment and explain to all the women who are reading and want to know the answers. So please leave your comments.

 

I have a saying that I use when I hear people say they hate being alone. It may sound harsh to some of you, but here it is anyhow.

 

“If you can’t stand being alone with yourself; What makes you think someone else can stand to be with you.”  By Dale Odom

 


Jealousy

 
A lot of women I know seem to have double standards when it comes to friends of the opposite sex. It is okay for them to talk to there, male friends. But if guys talk to any female friends they have; then out come's the jealousy. A lot of men are guilty of this as well.
 
When men confront their significant others about double standards; and ask why is it ok for them to talk to whomever they want to. But not us. We usually get a story about how someone cheated on them.
 
Well; if you have ever had more than one relationship over the years guess what? We probably all have been cheated on at some time or other and had a bad experience or two. So ladies here is some Free Relationship Advice.
 


Relationship Advice About Men

 
Ladies if you have a good man, and you want to keep him. I suggest you figure out how to overcome your Insecurities and Jealousy. Because I would say, these are the main two reasons a man will leave a woman; that, and infidelity.  
 
Just-Look-At-How-He-Is-All-Over-Her
 
When a man reaches his late twenties early thirties and beyond; at this stage of a man's Life, he is starting to look for the right woman and settle down. But he is not going to deal with the issues mentioned above even if he loves and wants to be with you.
 
If you are a person who is so Jealous that your partner can not even speak to someone of the opposite sex; then you have a serious problem. This type of relationship will never work because it screams that you don't Trust your partner. Without Trust, you don't have a sustainable Relationship. This applies to both Men and Women.
 
There-is-No-Relationship-Without-Trust
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I have some female friends, and they call me and ask my advice about their partners. They are looking for a male's perspective about something either their husband or boyfriend said or did. I do the same thing. Sometimes I just need another females perspective about a particular situation; I am unsure of how to handle.     
 
I apologize men. I cannot give you any Relationship Advise about Women. I am nearly 52 years young, and I still haven't figured them out. (LOL)
 


Healthy Relationship Advice

 
In my opinion, I do know what the Keys to a Healthy Relationship are. Or at least I know what I look for in a Relationship. In a Healthy Relationship, both parties should be able to have opposite sex friends without Jealousy being a problem.
 
I have always had a rule I live by; which is any friends I have will remain, my friends. Unfortunately, Relationships come and go, but Real Friends are just as hard to find as True Love is.
 
If I meet the person I want to be with I want to introduce them to my opposite sex friends in hopes, they will get along and become friends as well. I also want to try and ease their mind and let them know they don't have any reason to be Jealous.
 
Here is a list of characteristics I think a Healthy Relationship needs to be successful. I am sure I could think of a few more, but these are the most important in my opinion.
 
  • Love of course
  • Must Have Trust
  • Honesty is also a Must Have
  • Need to be able to Communicate
  • Both Parties need to be willing to Compromise
  • Support each other
  • Have Compassion for one another
  • Mutual Respect
  • Understanding
  • Time Apart or Personal Space
 
Leave Insecurities, and Jealousy in the past where they belong. Also, let Ex's stay in the past where they belong. (Unless you share Children together.)
 
If-You-Want-A-Future-Then-You-Have-To-Let-Go-Of-The-Past
 
"ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY!" If you take the necessary time Alone and get to know yourself and figure out what will make you happy, then you will never be Alone. If you become a happy person, everyone wants to be around you.   
 
 
If you enjoyed this post, or even if you didn’t;  please leave a comment good or bad, I would enjoy reading them; or if you have a question or a topic that you would like to discuss. I would enjoy that as well.
 
If you know people who could benefit from this message, please be sure to tell them about my website. Or post it to Social Media.
 
Sincerely Dale (Life Coach)

18 thoughts on “Alone”

  1. I've heard it said the most important relationship we'll ever have is the one we cultivate with ourselves. Nice article on relationships (both healthy and unhealthy) When i was much younger, I had a short relationship with a boy that liked to hit. (it didn't last long) He got it from his father who he had seen beat his mother many times. We imitate our parents I guess. Thanks for bringing awareness to this important topic.

    1. Hey Jackie,
      Thank you for the compliments. I am so happy you didn’t remain in that relationship. Yes, we tend to learn from watching our parents I guess, but that is no excuse because I have seen some things happen totally opposite.

      (Example) I have seen fathers who have abandoned their wife and children and if he had a boy; the son grew up to be the best dad in the world. Or turned out just like him and abandoned his family.

      I want to thank you for sharing your brief relationship with an abuser. No one or nothing should ever be treated this way.

  2. Thanks Dale for a very comprehensive review about aspects of relationships. I agree with you it is important to examine yourself before entering into a love relationship to find out why you want to be with someone. People can make mistakes and enter relationships for the wrong reasons, especially when it comes to love relationships. Perhaps they maybe insecure, lonely or envious etc and find themsleves entangled in the wrong decison. I think the best reason to be in a relationship is love and any relationship that is fueled by love will withstand the challenges of life or other odds that can be presented to a couple. Thanks again for sharing this useful infomation.

    1. Thank you for your input into relationships. I agree with you. Yes, we all make mistakes, but as long as we learn from them, it isn't really a mistake. It's what we learn along the way that counts. You have great incite, my friend.

  3. This is a masterful article Dale. It’s the truth.

    You went through very stressful and kinda dark areas. That’s commendable. This is the kind of article that pulls you in.

    Relationship problems are the worst. So many times we have people who refuse to end toxic relationships. I noticed you are very persistent with this issue.

    I have to ask, are any of these books fitting for someone who’s never had a bad relationship? Do you think it’d help prevent problems?

    Keep up this great work Dale!

    1. Hey Makki,
      Thank you for the compliments. Yes sometimes relationships can be very problematic, and they are hard to end even though you know it is a toxic relationship.

      But this is where the Trust Honesty and Communication come into play. It is better to end this type of relationship than to live in misery yourself.

      All of the books that I mentioned are about empowering you to take control of your life and emotions. I have read them many times throughout the years, and the book called the shack is a very enlightening book I think you would love and recommend to your friends.
      Dale

  4. I read a lot of motivational and spiritual books. My favorite I have read so far is “Autobiography of a Yogi” I definitely recommended it if you haven’t read it yet. And you are correct with the list of things a healthy relationship needs. I have ended a few because of trust issues and lack of communication.

    1. Hi Kevin,
      Thanks Kevin for your comments. I also have had to end relationships with some women I have personally liked because of either Jealousy or Trust Issues which equals the same thing.

      It was there own Insecurities which caused the breakup. I would have liked to have pursued the relationship further.

      I appreciate the recommendation of the book. I have not read that one as of yet, but I will read it and see what I think.

      My best wishes to you in all of your Relationships.

      Dale

  5. Hey Dale! Hows it going? I really liked your website, In fact I really liked reading your page, it was very intriguing to me. I liked the fact on how you started the content on the page with a few questions, that caught my eyes. My favorite part was that you recommended books that would help people transform, I saw that one of the books there were from Tony Robbins;). My other favorite part is that on the part where you were mentioning about relationships, an you didn't stick to one point of view, you kept an open mind. Last thing is that you gave the options for people to leave comments. (which everyone is supposed to do anyway lol ). I am into Self improvement as well, we should communicate soon:) I booked marked your site.

    1. Hi Omar,
      Thank you for the compliments. I am happy that you enjoyed reading my post. I am all about trying to help people to transform their lives. If I can help just one person with the content on my website, then I will feel as though I have done my job correctly.

      I always try to keep an open mind about everything in Life. Too many people get so set in their ways, and they believe there is no other way of doing something. It has always been my experience there is always more than one way.

      Dale

  6. Your post reminds me of a thing the Indian mystic Osho once said: “Loneliness is where you are missing the other. Aloneness is when you are finding yourself.”

    I think that solitude is often under-rated in our very connected society. Solitaires (people who prefer their own company) are even viewed as “strange” or “weird” or “other.” As parents we worry if our child has no friends. Some of us even go overboard trying to get them to “fit in”. “Loner” certainly has bad connotations.

    It may be that people who stay in toxic relationships just don’t know any more who they are. Maybe they have never known. Maybe they have not been cherished for being who they are and maybe they need to be reminded of their own glory.

    It is something we can do for each other, that…just see the glory that is in each of us.

    1. Hi Netta,
      I would like to thank you for your comments.

      Spending some time alone and finding yourself is something everyone should do because when you know deep down who you are, and what your morals and values are; it is not hard to make decisions whether it is about relationships or life.

      Once you are comfortable in your on skin and learn to love yourself and be happy with who you are, you start to look at relationships in a different light.

      You are no longer looking for someone to make you happy. You start looking for someone to share your happiness with as well as your life.

      Warmest wishes!

      Dale

  7. This was a very interesting read. I appreciate you nailed a variety of topics from emotional, marriage abuse to trust. I have often times felt that utterly overwhelming dread of loneliness. But I have found a lot of people feel the emotion every once in awhile. You have a good selection of recommended books,I may check one of them out.

    1. Hey Michelle,
      Yes, indeed we all do share that emotion every once in a while. Having this emotion is the reason why it is so important that we pick our friends just as wisely as we choose a mate.

      Michelle here are a few quotes that I think go well with what this post is all about.

      "Loneliness doesn't come from having no one around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that are important to you."
      By Carl Jung

      "I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up alone. IT'S NOT. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone." By Robin Williams

      "Never allow loneliness to drive you back into the arms of someone you know you don't belong with." By Unknown

      "Negative emotions like loneliness, envy, and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life; they're big, flashing signs that something needs to change." By Gretchen Rubin


      Thanks for stopping by Michelle as well as the compliments and yes the books which I recommend on my site are all great books, and I have read them all.

      Warmest Wishes

      Dale

  8. HI, Dale. Great article! I truly believe that if we all tried to improve two things about ourselves successfully, the world would be much more peaceful. Lol I try to learn something new everyday, so far it is working. I believe a big challenge is getting over mistakes from the past that continue to cripple us. I’ve been in relationships that turned physically abusive, I walked away. I’m a strong believer of dismissing people from your life who mistreat you. All of us have that right!

    Women (men too) who are abused have often been isolated from family and friends, as well as brainwashed to believe the abuser to be the only person who cares. It’s so tragic and horrifying. I couldn’t imagine the uneasiness and sheer terror any person must feel being abused by one they care about. We all have worth, and we all deserve to be loved. We must learn to love ourselves, that way no one can tear us down with ugly words and actions. When you love yourself, you know who and what is of importance.

    1. Hey, Audra, I want to thank you for stopping by and reading my article. I am happy to hear that you walked away from some physically abusive relationships. No one should ever be disrespected or treated in any harmful way.

      You are so right with the statement you made Audra that it is worth repeating for other visitors to read.

      We must learn to love ourselves, that way no one can tear us down with ugly words and actions. When you love yourself, you know who and what is of importance.

      If people would truly learn this concept and quit looking outside of themselves for their love and happiness and find it within themselves first, then they would make better choices in life and the search for the right partner.

      May we all find the Love and Happiness we deserve.

      Warmest Wishes!

      Dale

  9. I've had experience of this type of emotionally abusive relationship before, a very long time ago. At the time, I put up with it (despite knowing I was unhappy) because I thought that if I finished it I would never have another relationship. Now I know who I am and what I truly want from a relationship, I would much rather be alone and wait than be in a toxic relationship just for the sake of not being by myself.

    1. Hey, Yvonne, I am truly sorry for the experience you had. The bad experiences teach us about what we do or don’t want in a relationship if we are willing to learn.

      I think so many people stay in this type of relationship for the same reason you stated of being afraid of not finding someone else, but if you find yourself and discover who you are as a person as you did. You learn what you want in a relationship.

      When you know what you want or don’t won’t in a relationship never, settle for anything less just to keep from being alone.

      If you currently find yourself not in a relationship, this is the time of discovery to figure yourself out and learn who you are as a person. So many people don’t understand the concept that happiness comes from within; they are always searching for either someone or something to make them happy.

      I know no one wants to live life alone, but it is better to live alone than to be in a toxic relationship where you are being, abused.

      Thanks for stopping by Yvonne and leaving a reply of your experience because it could be beneficial to other readers who are in an abusive relationship.

      Warmest Wishes!

      Dale

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