Six Secrets of Self-Control

A lot of people I know always seem to have a problem with Self-Control or lack thereof I should say. So today I thought I would share my, Six Secrets of Self-Control. But before I begin Let's take a look at the definition of Self-Control from the Oxford Dictionary. The ability to control oneself, in particular, one’s emotions and desires, especially in difficult/stressful situations:

How to Take Control in Your Life

Forgiveness of Self and Others (My First Secret)

Years ago, if my memory serves me correctly, I was in my late twenties or early thirties when I started on this Quest or Journey of mine. I realized I held a lot of animosity towards people who had done me wrong or treated me badly in the past from school and throughout the years growing up. Especially if I ran into one of these people somewhere.

Here is exactly what happened. I was in town one day and ran into someone who treated me badly in school years ago, and I realized I still could not stand this person. Needless to say, I was upset and in a bad mood for the rest of the day and no matter what; I couldn't get this person out of my mind. 







How many times has this happened to you? I saw how badly this affected me, and I didn't like it one bit. It ruined my whole day. So, I said to myself out loud; NO MORE! No more will I ever let anyone ruin a perfectly good day. When the weekend came, I decided to work on this issue, and this is how I fixed the problem.

I spent the weekend by myself without any distractions whatsoever; I took pen and paper in hand and wrote down every single person I could think of who treated me poorly in some way including family members. Then I sat there on my sofa and looked deep within myself and Forgave each and every one of them.

Then I sat there on my couch and thought about everyone I have mistreated over the years and wrote that list of names down; then looked down deep within myself, and asked each and every one of them to forgive me for mistreating them. And lastly; I forgave myself!

Some people will say you are supposed to ask for forgiveness in person, and that may be true. All I know is when I forgave the people for doing me wrong; then asked for forgiveness, in return from people I; had hurt, and forgiving myself; I did it all from my Heart and Soul.

It must have worked for me; because I can run into one of these people in town today and it doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I can talk to them and carry on a conversation. One of the things I have noticed now when talking to one of these people who have wronged me in the past is it's almost like you can see a cloud of guilt; leave their face in relief. It's as if they know in their Heart; they have; been; forgiven. 


A Spiritual Connection ( My Second Secret)

There are so many different Religions, and I don't claim to know which one is correct, So that being said I don't pretend to be a Religious Person. But I am a very Spiritual Person, and I believe in a Creator of all things. I think the one thing we all have in common is we are all trying to get to the same place. Without trying to step on anyone's Religious or Spiritual beliefs whatever they may be; you need a secure connection.

You need to be able to go within yourself and connect to the part of you that holds all the answers to your questions. Whether you call it your Spirit, or your Soul, it doesn't matter what you call it. It is your direct link to the Creator and for every problem, and Question you have in Life the solution is there if you have an excellent connection and are willing to listen.

Learn-To Listen-And-Connect-To-Your-Inner-Self






I am going to leave this subject with what I have already stated above because I do not want to offend anyone's beliefs, and you have every right to believe whatever it is you choose. So, moving on!


Negative Emotions (My Third Secret)

In my opinion, the first place to start is to get in touch with your Emotions especially the Negative ones. I am only going to talk about a few Negative Emotions. You could take one Emotion each month and not necessarily try to eliminate them but get in touch with the feeling, so you know when you are experiencing that particular emotion, then you can learn to control it instead of it controlling you.

I know easier said than done. A lot of people have trouble taking a deep look at their inner self and connecting with their spirit. I will do my best to help you by explaining how I did this myself. The first step I took was to go somewhere by myself without any distractions. No cell phones, no tv, no music, and no people around. This type of Meditation is just between You, Your Spirit, and Our Creator and no one else.


Anger and Powerless

Let's start off with Anger. WHEN YOU ALLOW someone to make you Mad or Angry at that very precise moment, You have Lost Control over your Emotions and in essence you gave that person POWER OVER YOU. Now I don't know how you feel about this but me personally I am not giving anyone Power over me.

"He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still."  By Lao Tzu

Because Life is about choices you can choose to get Mad or Angry about something that was said; or you can choose to either laugh about it or walk away the choice is always up to you as to what Emotion you decide to use.

If you do not believe you are in Control of your Emotions, then I suggest you get a pen and paper and right down the peoples names who are and then ask yourself; why am I letting these people control me or have power over me? By answering that question; only then will you be able to take control in your Life.

Do not misunderstand me. It is okay to feel anger just do not let someone else dictate or decide when you do.


Worry and Stress

Now let's talk about the Emotions Worry and Stress. Here is how I chose to control them instead of them controlling me. First off I know because women are Nurtures and have that Maternal Instinct this is probably harder to a point for you; than it is for us men because we worry about different things.

Worry and Stress are probably two of the most Detrimental Emotions to our Health the other being the foods we eat, but we will talk about foods later on. Make a list of all the things you Worry about and Stress over such as; Our Children, Jobs, Money, Bills, Etc.

Our kids are probably the hardest not worry about because we want the best for them, and we don't want to see them make the same mistakes in life; we made. Once they reach young adulthood we need to step back and let them make their mistakes in life, this is what will help them to grow into the person; they will become.

Again do not misunderstand me. Yes, our children need guidance. Despite what we think they should do when they reach a certain age, it is out of our hands the only thing we can do at this point is to be there for moral support. But if we want our children to be independent we have to let them make their mistakes.

Here is how I handled my two boys when they got older. Every time they decided something they wanted to do in life I would sit them down at the table, and I would remind them Life is about Choices and Consequences. So we would sit at the table and discuss what their options were and the possible implications for each choice, and then after the discussion, I let them make their decision. We need to teach our children how to think not what to think.

Here is what I do when I find myself starting to Worry and Stress out over something. I keep this thought in the forefront of my mind. So get your list and ask yourself these questions. Is it within my power to be able to change this situation? If the answer is yes, then figure out how to change it. If the answer is no, then turn it over to Our Creator because there is no sense Worrying about something that is not within your power to control or change.








Well, I could continue with each Emotion and how I have dealt with them in my life, but this post would be several pages long, and I don't want to bore you to death. But if you are reading this post and have a particular Emotion you would like me to discuss leave me a comment, and I will write a post about it. I am here for you.

The book I would recomend reading is The Power of Positive Thinking  By: Norman Vincent Peale





Let's move along to my Fourth Secret of Self-Control, which is taking control of our spending habits.


Spending Habits (My Fourth Secret)

We all have our vices we spend money on, and there is nothing wrong with that, as long as our obligations, are met, and the bills, are paid. After all, we work for a living and are entitled to some enjoyment in life. The only time I see our spending habits becoming a problem is when we spend money on things we don't need and not taking care of our obligations first.

I see people all the time in stores buying fifty to a hundred dollars worth of scratch off Lottery Tickets at a time. I am not saying there is anything wrong with buying some tickets, but if you are spending that kind of money, then you have a problem and more than likely you are not taking care of your responsibilities. So, therefore, if that is the case you are out of Control.






I also see people all the time especially the younger ones get their paycheck on Thursday or Friday and be broke come Monday and wanting to borrow money. What I have observed with them is this. I see them come to work with a bag full of McDonalds, Burgher King, Wendy's or some other fast food place. Then they go out at lunch time and do the same thing and also after work.

Now, I know theses places aren't cheap to eat at but, you are getting Cheap Food; if you want to call it that. Especially, when you are buying three meals a day you can figure they are spending at least $25.00 a day eating out or $125.00 a week not counting the weekends. If you add the weekends, you are looking at $175.00 to $200.00 a week.


I like to eat as well as the next person, but if one person is spending this much money every week eating out. I could buy enough groceries with that amount of money to last me 3 or 4 weeks. Now I am not putting anyone down because I used to be one of these people and I was broke all the time. I got tired of being broke, so I decided to do something about it.

The way I got Control of how I was spending my money was by buying a notepad, and every time money was spent, on something; I wrote it down. If you do this for at least a month or two, you should have a pretty clear picture of where your money is going. Then take the list and organize it into categories such as Eating out, Gas (joy riding), Shopping, Lottery, ETC.

What I learned from this was; it has never been about how much money you make it's what you do with it that counts. Because if you can't learn to manage your money let's say on 10 dollars and hour making 15 or 20 dollars an hour is not going to make any difference because you will still be broke if you don't get control of your spending habits. So spend it wisely!



Eating Healthy (My Fith Secret)

I know how easy it is these days to get off work and stop at some Fast Food Joint (They make it so Easy and Convenient for us!) and pick something up to eat on your way home because you are tired and don't feel like cooking. But the trouble with that is, it is not real food so your Health Declines. You are so tired and fatigued all of the time, and you don't know why.

I will tell you why! It is because your body is not getting the Vitamins, Minerals, and Nutrients it needs to perform at optimal levels. I started eating Organic Foods in my late twenties early thirties. Since I started eating Organic Foods I have more energy, and can out work most 20 and 30-year-olds; I am almost 52, and they have trouble keeping up with me.

They are always drinking these Energy Drinks but yet never seem to have any Energy. I have people younger and older coming up to me all the time asking me; What my Secret is? How do you have so much Energy? So I tell them I eat Organic Foods. Then I get the response from the older people saying I can't afford that it costs too much.

My response is always the same! I ask them how much did your last visit to the Doctors Office cost you, and the prescriptions he/she gave you? What Medications are you taking? What Health Issues do you have? How much does all of it cost you a year? When you take all of this into consideration Eating Healthy comes out a lot cheaper. I am not on any kinds of Medications, in fact, I haven't been sick or to a Doctor in over 30 years. So, in conclusion, take Control of your Eating Habits because a lot of your Health Issues would, go away.



Read or Listen to Motivational/Inspirational Stories (My Sixth Secret)

I have been reading or listening to motivational and inspirational books and stories for almost 32 years now. I am always trying to become a better person. I am very intuned with my Mind, Body, and Spirit. The one negative aspect is if you learn to master the six secrets of self-control especially your emotions.

People will tend to underestimate you. (Example) I run 2nd shift where I work and because of me being laid back and always seem to be so calm and in control of my emotions especially anger the Leaders on 1st shift think I am too easy on my employees. But I always end up getting the jobs done with a lot fewer workers. Why is that you might ask?

I learned a long time ago you do not have to be a D- CK to get people to work for you. I tell all of my new employees from the start what I expect out of them then I treat them with respect. If one of my workers begins to underestimate me and starts slacking in their job duties, I have a talk with them.

If it continues, I will have a second talk with them but a little firmer and let them know if it happens again I will either write them up or fire them. Trust me when I tell you it is not one of my most favorite things to do. But people need to learn not to mistake kindness for weakness because I have no problem firing someone if I have to.

I treat my employees the same way I treated my boys growing up. I will talk to them once, twice, but the third time there will be consequences. I gave you this example just to make you aware if you do take Control of your Emotions; People are going to start Underestimating you and Mistake Kindness and Gentleness for Weakness.

That, being said, is their biggest mistake because even though it takes a lot to make someone who is in control of there Emotions mad, Yes; you can make them angry. That is if you continue to keep pushing their buttons, but you're; not going to like what you get.


One thing to always keep, in mind. Is everyone has an Opinion; it doesn't make them right or wrong it's just their Opinion and what their Opinion of you is, doesn't matter. The only thing that should matter is how you feel about yourself. Your Heart Knows the Truth, and there is no point in trying to convince someone else. Let people believe whatever they want that is there, right; and don't Stress, Worry, or loose any sleep over it.


If you enjoyed this post, or even if you didn’t; please leave a comment good or bad, I would enjoy reading them; or if you have a question or a topic that you would like to discuss. I would enjoy that as well.

If you know people who could benefit from this message, please be sure to tell them about my website. Or post it to Social Media.

Sincerely Dale (Life Coach)

What is the Meaning of Enthusiasm

Today I would like to talk to you about Enthusiasm and why it is important to have it in your life. So, what is Enthusiasm? or what is the meaning of Enthusiasm? It is an intense feeling of excitement about something you enjoy such as a hobby or interest you wish to pursue.
Here are some other words we could use to describe Enthusiasm. Eagerness, Feeling, Intensity, Joy, Conviction, and Passion. I am hoping you fall under this category of words because this is why having Enthusiasm in your life is important.
When you have Enthusiasm in your Life, it gives you a sense of something to Live for, something to accomplish, a goal, desire, or a Passion for doing something.
Here are some words on the opposite side of Enthusiasm
Disinterest, Inactivity, Laziness, Depression, Sadness, and Unhappiness. Hopefully, you do not fall under this category of words because if you do, then you have no sense of a reason to Live; Which would make me feel Extremely Heartbroken. 
Here are a few quotes to live your life by.
"Nothing great was ever accomplished without enthusiasm."
By Ralph Waldo Emerson
"No one can depress you. No one can make you anxious. No one can hurt your feelings. No one can make you anything other than what you allow inside."  (Unknown)
"Instead of saying, why is this happening to me? Isn't this awful? Poor me, begin to say, what do I have to Learn from this?"
By Wayne W. Dyer
I am going to tell you a story. Now this is a true story of something which happened to me when I was a little boy between the ages of six and seven and I still remember it like it happened yesterday. Now this story is not easy for me to tell especially here on the internet for everyone to see.
I am an Empath and for those of you who doesn't know what an Empath is I feel what other people are feeling I feel their Emotions, their Happiness, Joy, Sickness, Depression, Anger, Hurt, Sadness and their lack of Enthusiasm if you will. So being an Empath, I do not like being around big crowds of people because of what I feel. I need to back this story up to the beginning as to what happened to me when I was very young.
It was a beautiful summer day, but before that it had been raining what seemed like for weeks. There was a river not far from our house that my siblings and I always played in. Now I didn't know how to swim, but I was never afraid of the water because my brothers and sisters were always with me.
But on this particular summer day, when school let out I ran off and left my siblings but instead of running home I ran down to the river and jumped right out into the middle of it but this time it was way over my head because of all the rain we had been having.
You can imagine what happened next. The water went down into my Lungs, and I was strangled and choking from the water in my Lungs so I couldn't scream for anyone or anybody to help me. I was drowning! I Panicked! I was Scared, Terrified, Afraid and all alone. I fought to stay above the water with everything in my being, But I knew I was going to Die. I was going to drown.
The thing that happened next was very unexpected. I couldn't fight it anymore, and so I surrendered and the very moment that I went under there was such a Calm, and Peaceful Feeling of Love, which washed over me and I will never in a million years be able to describe it to anyone but I will try.
The best way for me to try and explain to you what I felt and still feel is I, was connected; to every living thing in the universe. Plants, Animals, People, Forests, Insects, Moon, Stars, Sun, Rivers and Oceans. I mean Everything.
I woke up in a beautiful place. It; was so Peaceful, and you could feel so much Love all around you. That is when the truly, amazing thing happened; I heard a clear voice, saying to me. It is not your time. Get up. And I said; I want to go with you. I am ready.
But then the words were repeated. It is not your time get up; and this time, I knew I couldn't disobey, but I didn't want to leave. I was in such a Beautiful, Peaceful place. I felt so Alive and Connected to Everything.
Everything was like being in slow motion; While I was laying on the bottom of the river, I could feel the current dragging me along. I remember then rolling over onto my stomach and on my hands and knees, I crawled out of that river and onto the bank. To this day, I cannot tell you how long all of this took. I don't know if it was a minute or five or ten minutes. I am guessing; that it wasn't too long because no one found me.

After I had sat there on the bank of the river for a little while, I walked home, and never said anything to anyone about what had happened to me and what I experienced. But after having my experience, I have always been different. I know my siblings probably thought I was weird growing up, and they didn't understand me.

As I write this post, I am nearly 52 years old now. I finally told my family members about my experience about ten years ago. Why did I wait so long to say anything to them? The answer is, I really; don't know. I still never told them the whole story, but if they read this post I am writing, they will find out everything. They might finally understand now why I was so Different from everybody else.

I am the youngest of seven. I had three older brothers and three older sisters. One of my brothers has passed now, and I miss him, but I know I will see him again someday. But it is funny how considering I am the youngest how most of them come to me for advice as well as a lot of other people younger and older than me.

People have always been drawn, to me; no matter their age. I don't know if it is because they sense something different about me or what. Every since my experience, I just seem to know things, and I don't know how or why. Maybe it is because I am Empathic, and I pick up on Emotions and Feelings without you having to tell me what is wrong.

Now you might ask. What was the purpose of me telling you this Life story of mine? The answer is if you have ever had an experience like the one I had you would realize just how precious Life truly is. Life is not about accumulating lots of money or materialistic things.




Yes, I know it takes money to live, and we all enjoy some worldly things, but All of that stuff is insignificant in the overall scheme of things. You are not going to take it with you when your time comes. And yes Our Creator meant for us to live an abundant Life but I think the majority of people misunderstand what it means to live an abundant Life.
It is my opinion; what Our Creator meant, was to have Enthusiasm towards life. All Life. To Love, Care, Help, and Comfort one another. Take care of the Earth. Put an end to Greed, Power, and Corruption.
Follow your Dreams and Passions but do it in a state of Love. Stop looking outside of yourself for Love and something to make you Happy. It is not out there! Love and Happiness; comes from within yourself.
"You're always a valuable, worthwhile human being, not because anybody else says so, not because you're successful, not because you make a lot of money, but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason." By Wayne W. Dyer
If you enjoyed this post, or even if you didn’t;  please leave a comment good or bad, I would enjoy reading them; or if you have a question or a topic that you would like to discuss. I would enjoy that as well.
If you know people who could benefit from this message, please be sure to tell them about my website. Or post it to Facebook.
Sincerely Dale (Life Coach)

What Is Action Words

Today I would like to discuss the topic about taking Action. You might ask What is Action Words? Any word that moves you to do something is an action word. I have tried to put a list of words in order; in which one needs to become Successful in Life or Business in my Opinion.

Out of hundreds of Action words, these are the ones I have chosen to use and give a brief description of each.

Desire – is a longing for something that is worthwhile to you, or wishing for a certain thing to happen.

Step One                                                                                                                        

Well, the First Step starts with having a Desire. To be successful in Life or business, you need to have the Desire to accomplish something. Maybe you would like to quit your 9 to 5 job and follow a passion or a business idea you have. 







Decision – is when you make up your mind about something.

Step Two

Making a Decision is the Second Step. Let's say you reached a Decision as to what your Desire is and maybe you decided you want to follow your Passion or Create a Business of some kind. Ideally, your Passion will turn into your Business. Because when your Business is your passion, it's not like work at all.




Adventure – is a new exciting experience involving some risk.

Step Three

Not being afraid of an Adventure is the Third Step. There are always some risks associated with starting a New Business. That's why I'm not suggesting you quit your 9 to 5 job right away. Start off by building your New Business after work as a side job that way you are not risking everything.

Intention – is a purpose or a plan to achieve something.

Step Four

The Fourth Step is to come up with a Plan; your Intention for your Business. Here are a few questions to ask yourself. They are in no Particular Order.
  • Will I need to get a Business Loan?
  • Why am I starting a Business?
  • How am I going to Market my Business?
  • Who are my Customers?
  • Where is my Business going to be Located?
  • What are the costs involved with starting my Business?
  • Who is my Competition?
  • What makes me better than my Competition?
  • What are my Biggest Challenges?

Commitment – Is a willingness to devote your time and energy towards something you believe in or a promise to someone.

Step Five

Ok, you have a Desire, made a Decision, willing to have an Adventure, and have your Intention/Plan, so the Fifth Step is to make a Commitment to Yourself that you will Devote some of your Time and Energy towards your New Business every day.

Agenda – is a list of things to be done.


Step Six

The Sixth Step is to keep an agenda of all the things you need to do so that you don't forget any important meetings or to order any supplies you might need for your business.



Ambition – is the desire to achieve something.

Step Seven

If you want to accomplish anything in Life, you need to have Ambition. Having Ambition is what Separates Successful People from Everyone Else in my Opinion. So if you want to be Successful with a Business, you need Ambition.







Curiosity – is a strong desire to know or learn something.

Step Eight

So having Curiosity is the Eighth Step. As with any undertaking of a Business you need to have a strong Desire to Know and Learn how doing Business works. So always in Life; have a sense of Curiosity. I am not talking about snooping and being nosey with other people's lives. I am talking about learning what it takes to run a Business. 







Initiative – is an active part of starting something.

Step Nine

Nothing in Life will ever get done without taking the Initiative to get started. Let's re-cap. You have a Desire, made a Decision, ready for an Adventure, you have your Intention, made a Commitment to yourself, you have your Agenda, and Ambition followed by Curiosity and are now willing to take the Initiative. So you are now ready to get started.


Determination – is a quality within you to achieve something difficult.

Step Ten

Ok, you have made it this far, and I'm sure you ran into some Obstacles along the way. Maybe you just want to throw your hands up in the air and give up, but that is what quitters do. When things start to get tough, they give up. So, I am asking you; are you going to give up or are you going to have the Determination to Continue?




Progress – is the movement toward a goal.

Step Eleven

You need to give yourself a huge pat on the back for all you have Accomplished. Take a look at all of the progress you have made thus far. Go out and Celebrate all of your Achievements no matter how Big or Small they might be.

Sacrifice – is giving up something of value for the interests of something else.

Step Twelve

I know I could have put Sacrifice closer to the top of the list, but if you are doing something you are Passionate about; then I don't look at it, as a Sacrifice. So, in my opinion, you aren't giving up anything significant, or worthwhile.
Maybe you gave up watching some tv. Or going out with friends shopping and spending money or just being plain Lazy. But this is precisely the reason I made Sacrifice; Step Twelve.

Innovative – is coming up with new ideas, being creative.

Step Thirteen

In any Business, you need to be Innovative and always try being Creative in trying to come up with new ways to either promote your Business or ways to improve your Business. Find the means to provide better service to your customers than your competition.

Resilient – is having the ability to recover or adjust to change.

Step Fourteen

You need to be Resilient and able to recover or adapt to change. Businesses are always changing or at least should be so growth can continue. If you don't change and grow your business, it becomes inactive/stagnant, and we all should know what happens to water when it becomes stagnant/inactive; it stinks!

Destination – is the purpose for which something is created, destined or going.

Step Fifteen

Step Fifteen could have easily been used as Step One because some people think in terms such as what is called the End Game. They already know the Destination where they want to go with a business they just need to incorporate the other steps.
So you can figure out exactly what order the steps should be in or what works best for you. I don't believe anyone could ever give an exact recipe for success or starting a business because everyone thinks a little different and has different skill sets.
But I will say all of the Action Words I used are all Necessary for a Successful Business and in Life.
If you enjoyed this post, or even if you didn’t; please leave a comment good or bad, I would enjoy reading them; or if you have a question or a topic that you would like to discuss. I would enjoy that as well.

If you know people who could benefit from this message, please be sure to tell them about my website. Or share it on Social media.

Sincerely Dale (Life Coach)